Shhhh…I’m Hunting Rarebit

The phrase “A Bachelor Cooks” in this blog’s title is somewhat of a misnomer, because while I do cook, I also intend to just write about food, whether it’s a food item I saw in the store, a restaurant excursion, or even something someone else cooked. I also fully intend to start each post with an incredibly long run-on sentence. Check.

My friends Mike and Marcia invite me over for supper far more often than common courtesy would require. And yes, I say supper. My dad was from the East Coast, ok? Anyway, I suspect they may be entering that phase of their relationship where they are sick of each other’s faces and welcome any distraction. Or I suppose they could just be really nice people. But they like me, so that can’t be the case. It’s a paradox.

I love their kitchen dynamic. I’ve told them on several occasions that they should have a cooking show together. I suggest the following titles:

Cooking & Fighting With M & M

Let Me Show You Why You’re Doing That Wrong

Get The Hell Out Of My Way

Do You See The Mistake You Made?

No, Really, Don’t Get Up. I Think You Stopped The House From Burning Down Last Time.

Um…My Wine Glass Is Empty. Ahem.

Yes, Baby, You ARE DOING IT WRONG.

Um, Babe? That’s On Fire. BABE.

Do You Want To Do This? DO YOU WANT TO DO THIS? OK THEN.

I kid, I kid. It’s actually quite fun to watch them. It’s not serious fighting. Mostly. They have learned to take a barb and hurl it right back without batting an eye. It’s kind of what I want in a relationship, actually. Without the knives.

Right here I have to say that M & M are such good sports, they hopped right on board and took all the pictures for me since I hadn’t brought my camera. Mike even had to charge the thing in between shots. I guess they are good people.

Last night they had me over for Welsh Rarebit. Since you’re too lazy to read the Wikipedia article I worked so hard to link to for you just now, I’ll give you the rundown.

1. It’s widely accepted that the term Welsh “rarebit” comes from the term Welsh “rabbit.”
2. There is no rabbit in this dish whatsoever. Rarebit is a cheese sauce.

There are a couple theories on this. One is that the Welsh were too poor to eat rabbit, which was a dish reserved for nobles with money. Paupers had access to cheese, so they used that. Another theory is that the cheese dish was called Welsh rarebit because cheese was inferior to meat (debatable) and all things Welsh were considered inferior by the Brits. I hope this doesn’t come as a shock to my old roommate from Chicago, who’s name is actually Briton and who moved to Wales to marry a Welshman.

Now there are ways to make this key ingredient (the cheese sauce) from scratch. It sounds pretty damn good, actually. It involves mustard, Worcestershire sauce, pepper and beer. But that takes, you know, work. I may try it some day, but in the mean time, there’s an excellent option from the Stouffer’s brand line of food products.

It’s even mentioned in the Wikipedia article, so it must be true. While I’m maybe not the typical bachelor in that I mostly avoid frozen foods, this one is highly recommended. And if you REALLY want to go the bachelor route, you kick the convenience up a notch. How do I do that, you ask?

With READY TO SERVE BACON. That’s right, folks. We can put a man on the moon, we can give you microwaveable bacon. I can’t begin to tell you the skepticism with which I faced this. I was not a believer. But you know what? It ain’t bad! And you don’t have a big ass pan of grease to deal with afterward.

So, here’ the recipe. The traditional Welsh Rarebit is just cheese sauce on toast. Good, but boring. This much more interesting arrangement comes from Marcia’s late mother. I wish I could have met her to tell her it’s delicious.

First, prepare some trimmed, healthy asparagus stalks. I usually saute asparagus to keep it crispy, but M & M slowly blanch them in a pan of water. They’re still firm, but a bit less crispy than if sauteed. It actually works out better for this dish.

Microwave the bacon while the asparagus is in the Jacuzzi.

Now heat up yer rabbit. Mmmm….cheese rabbit…..

Next, cut up a baguette into slices and toast lightly. Arrange on sides of plate. Put the asparagus in the middle.

Cover the bread with bacon…

and sliced tomatoes.

If you’re asked to bring one or two medium-sized tomatoes over and you stop at the Asian market and the only fresh ripe ones they have are hobbit-sized, bring four of those and smile when Marcia mocks them.

Cover the whole thing with the piping hot cheesy goodness. Enjoy.

Thanks to M & M!

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8 responses to “Shhhh…I’m Hunting Rarebit

  1. We invite Dave over because two boxes of the pre-made sauce and one box of microwavable bacon make three dishes perfectly. And also because we love him.

    Just a hint, start the asparagus and then the bread. Everything should be on the plate as the sauce is coming out of the microwave because it does get cold fast.

    This is yummy and only takes 15 minutes to prepare if you take our short cuts.

  2. Dude, where’s the butter?

  3. You were gypped my friend. My mother would NEVER have left those ugly little triangle things on the aspargus before cooking them.

  4. I vote for “Do You Want To Do This? DO YOU WANT TO DO THIS? OK THEN.” for comedic value, but I think “Um…My Wine Glass Is Empty. Ahem.” carries the day as the motto of whichever one of us is head chef that night.

  5. That cooking stuff sounded sorta’ familiar, except in our house it’s more like “Just… please, go away.” and then I leave and that’s that.

    To her credit, she did allow me to make a meatloaf a couple days ago.

    To my credit, it came out pretty damned good.

    The only problem now is that she may start expecting me to make things. I probably would’ve been better off really doing a horrible job so that she’ll never ask me to cook anything again.

  6. That looks really good, except now I’m scared to buy tomatoes at the store. Salmonella. So I’ll wait to make this until our tomatoes in our own yard get ripe.

  7. In my book.. anything from Stouffers is great… use it as you need it.

    Good luck my friend…

  8. I gotta agree with DadCooks on the Stouffers tip… I was just waxing on about the spinach souffle yesterday. I can’t say I’ve seen any rarebit around these parts, though… I must look harder. It looks AMAZING.

    I don’t know y0ur friends, but I love them already. Also, Chris hasn’t made anything since the meatloaf.

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